i dont need a valentine i need 8 million dollars and a fast metabolism
DaJé Barbour by Danny Lang
this dude is unreal alien from utopia future
He literally has golden eyes I’ve never been more jealous in my fucking life
a support group for people who started saying YAAAAAAS ironically and now can’t stop
This is 10x funnier if you read it in their voices
2. I totally watched Django Unchained without you over winter break even though I promised you I wouldn’t and then pretended to be watching it for the first time on our date. That was the only time I ever lied to you, which for me is a personal best.
3. I have never found you sexier than when you talk about German filmmakers, how you struggle to ice skate, or tell me that I am wrong.
4. I have reoccurring dreams about deep cleaning your apartment.
5. The first time that you told me I could not stay the night because you’re room mate might come home and see me, I should have left you. Not out of selfishness or anger, but because when you begin to rearrange your vocabulary for someone else, replacing words like unhealthy with compromise, you will begin to forget your own name.
6. You called me baby, like flicking on a light switch. Something quick and easy that you knew you could do to brighten up the room. But I am sick of sleeping with the lights on because you were afraid of the monster in your closet and I was afraid that it had already climbed into bed with us or that I had been the monster all along.
7. I told everyone how bad the sex was. Because it was.
8. I have thought about you during sex with other people.
9. I have never wanted someone to hurt and be happy so badly.
10. I told you I loved you. Last resort. I told you I loved you like a bomb shelter, something to hide in after the fall out, but we would always be hungrier than our rations would allow.
11. How do you tell someone that they taught you to look at a seed and see a flower? You are blooming in another man’s garden and I feel like i am the only one who got his hands dirty. When he bites into your roots, he will taste my rain water. When he strips you naked, he will pause between each article of clothing, stop and say how beautiful.
12. I’m sorry I have not yet forgotten how to find you beautiful. \
13. I’m trying.
14. For Valentine’s Day you got me an eggplant. I don’t really remember the significance, only that you covered the entire thing in silver sharpie so you could write little messages in black that wouldn’t show up on the purple when you could have written the messages in silver. When you gifted it to me, I didn’t even realize what it was because well, eggplants are purple. You covered up everything to try and be with me, and I no longer knew what I was.
"We are all, everyone in this room, so fortunate."
FUCKING QUEEN. SHE UNDERSTANDS HER PRIVELAGE AND SHINES LIGHT ON LESS PRIVILEGED PEOPLE.
In which Draco and Harry dress a little too quickly after a meeting
I don’t even ship it and this is awesome
"Fuck You, Old People" — Group Piece at CUPSI 2014
"By the way, you can’t actually pick yourself up by your own bootstraps. That’s now how physics works."
this gives me life….
"Act your fucking age" god damn, this has a good message here.
39 seconds in and I reblogged it
That annihilated my spirit.
When it comes to objectification, this is a great example of why comparing male strip clubs to Hooters is a “false equivalent.”
I think what is most telling is how absurd this scenario really is.
long distance relationships
This made me laugh louder than it should